ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
