Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
