who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
