I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
