We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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