all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I could fuck to npr.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
