I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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