i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is Oprah even human
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
