I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
