she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
