Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
