omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
