After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
