that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
