dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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