it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
