I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize