The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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