but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
