I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
