Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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