You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
