My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize