my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
