I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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