Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I look better un-naked...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
