I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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