I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
