Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
