i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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