She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
