That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
