Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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