I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have already put on my inside pants.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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