Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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