Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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