Me. At least after what I've been through.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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