I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
