I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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