Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
