im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
