my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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