end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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