Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
