yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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