Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
