I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
