I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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