I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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