there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
