Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
