she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
