this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
