I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
