Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
