the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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