Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
