Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
