i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
