im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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