after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize