i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
