I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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