I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
