So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
