I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize