I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My feet surprised me
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