The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
