Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
