You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
