Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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