He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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