She is in my trunk
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
