Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
