So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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