Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize