Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
