is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
