I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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