Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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