Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
