i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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